A Letter to Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends,

As we prepare for the arrival of our daughter, we have learned that while decorating the nursery and stocking up on baby essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of our baby. In her short life, Ella will have gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes will be for her. While she may not consciously remember the events, she will still experience immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma. She's already experienced the loss of a birthmother and will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs.

We have prepared to meet Ella's emotional needs so that she does learn that we will always take care of her and we will always keep her safe. We need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment we will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us despite her chronological age. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that we are her parents, we will need to be her primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing. You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different for every child. We will follow Ella's lead and trust our instincts as her parents rather than worry about what society expects.

We have all been waiting anxiously for our daughter to arrive but she has not been waiting for us. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family and this truly is her last stop. We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter, and we thank you in advance for your support and understanding.

Sincerely,
Rob and Laura

Finally....a name.

We've finally made a decision on a name and we're sticking to it this time. After all, the writing on the wall makes it official. Ella Addison Moon....I can't wait to meet you. And I can't wait to tuck you in safe and secure in your room. We finally finished it last week. Hoping you have many sweet dreams here.

Status Update - We're getting closer

The last set of referrals arrived a couple of weeks ago and they got through two more log in dates. Families logged in on March 7th and 8th of 2006 were included. Believe it or not, I was a little shocked they actually got through two days considering the 7th was considered a pretty large day. So, now there are only 7 more log in dates to get through (two of which are weekend dates. Considering this along with the poll numbers we're guessing we'll get referral in early June. Yep....just about six more weeks before we possibly see our little girl for the first time. And just another five to eight weeks after that we'll be on our way to China to bring her home. Excitement doesn't even begin to cover how we are feeling right now.

Committed

Every year the people of China celebrate Chinese New Year and every year (or at least in the three that I've been tracking it) CCAA has done their best to send out a set of referrals before they leave to spend time with their families and friends. This year was no different. While I am extremely grateful they matched more families I can't help but be a little disappointed as well. You see, on average CCAA has referred approximately five log in dates per referral period (every 30 days or so). This time they matched only 2 days. It’s not just the two days that’s disappointing. It’s the number of people. Based on poll results (which I’ve also been following for three years), over the past six months, CCAA has matched between 60 and 80 families. 24 were matched with this referral batch.

I’ve had my ups and downs with this wait and I’ve really tried to think positive. After all, it’s not like we are the only people on this crazy ride. And, it’s not like we can do anything about it. We’ve been committed to this process from the beginning. We will continue to be committed until we bring baby moon home…no matter how many ups and downs of this sometimes heart breaking process we have to go through.

Patience

There is official word that CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs) has begun the matching process for the next set of referrals. In the next week or so families who have been waiting for almost three years will finally see a picture of their baby's face. Think about that....three years. In that time some of their friends and family members have had at least one baby. They've been to baby showers with smiles on their faces while in the back of their minds (or sometimes right up front) they were thinking about the day it would be their turn. They've listened to the daily joys and challenges their friends have faced as parents and wondered how they'll handle being a parent. Three years of wondering and waiting. If that isn't a test of patience I don't know what is. And now they are on pins and needles waiting for referrals to arrive. And we are one step closer.